On January 26th, 2021, Nikki Langdon read Bobbi’s story during a Working Together webinar entitled: Why Hire a Person with a Disability.
Here is Bobbi’s story:
“This is a true story and I have permission to share it with you. It’s the story of a woman who struggled for many, many years. As a little girl, Bobbi felt she was broken, that she was ill formed, and that someone had made a mistake when putting her together. She was weak. That’s what she believed and what she had been told. She was too sensitive. Things bothered her too much. She needed to get stronger, to toughen up. She felt fearful most of the time. Fears of things known and unknown. At night when she closed her eyes, scary things would come to her and if she were able to drift off to sleep, she often would wake terrified and gasping for breath.
“As Bobbi grew, she tried to become stronger. To be less impacted by daily living. To be a more functional person. She was a straight-A student and excelled at school, had a few close friends and studied dance when not in school. She was the oldest of four children and was essentially the perfect daughter. For anyone who looked from the outside, Bobbi was just a quiet, helpful, smart, normal kid, but inside she felt like she was always standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting to fall. Into what, she did not know. She always felt like she needed to hold tightly. To something. Hold on, succeed, be the best, do, do, do and not think. Thinking would be the end. She was never sure how she knew that but she did. She could never be alone. Alone was too easy to think. And that needed to be avoided at all cost. That’s when the weakness, the over-sensitivity would set in and that could not be allowed to happen.
“Bobbi became a young bride, married at age 19, and soon had family of her own. By her 27th birthday, she had her fourth child. Looking back, she can’t recall much of her 20s. It was simply survival. After the birth of each child she was unable to sleep for months. Every time she would close her eyes, she would see something horrible happen to her newborn. And when she did drop from pure exhaustion, she would often wake to find herself running through her house and sometimes even outside her home, gasping for air and unable to think – in complete and utter terror of something unknown. She was exhausted most of the time and was simply going through the motions of life instead of living it.
“She cared for her four children and husband, as was required in her mind. She needed to do, do, do and be perfect. Bobbi never bought a loaf of bread. The family only ate homemade. Every evening a huge, homemade, balanced meal with homemade dessert was on the table. She made all of her own and the children’s clothing, she ran a business from home and she did everything she could think of to be the perfect wife and mother. Chasing constantly to find something other than the fear and emptiness she felt most of the time. And to everyone who knew her and her family, that is exactly what she appeared to be. Until…
“At the age of 28, a friend visited her. During the visit, the friend insisted she call mental health. She couldn’t figure out why her friend would even suggest such a ridiculous thing! Her friend pointed out she had been crying since her arrival. Bobbi had been visiting, pouring tea, caring for the children, making cookies, doing all the ‘right things’ but with tears pouring down her face the entire time, apparently. She couldn’t understand why her friend would say such a thing. She touched her face, felt moisture, then ran to washroom to see it was true.
“She agreed something wasn’t right and phoned to make an appointment that afternoon with her friends help. Her children were the impetus, they were her world and she knew at that point she needed to fix whatever was wrong for them.
“Bobbi met with the psychiatrist and soon realized everyone’s grandpa did not have shock treatments every fall. That everyone’s parents didn’t need to take little orange pills. This was never discussed as out of ordinary in her family and she had just assumed that this was true of all families and not discussed by any of them. Shock treatments, orange pills and many other things the psychiatrist seemed to find important were the same as going to school or putting on your socks for Bobbi. Everyday and normal. After talking with her, the doctor said he felt she was experiencing chronic depression and severe anxiety disorder. Not just tired, stressed and bad dreams. She was very resistant to taking medication. She was terrified of being labelled crazy. What would people think? She was perfect! She did everything exactly right. How could she be nuts? The doctor told her she only needed to do it for six weeks and reminded her of her reason for coming – her kids.
“Sometime after she had been taking the medication, Bobbi went to the grocery store with her four children aged 1, 3, 5 and 7. This time was different though, this time she managed to get all of the groceries she needed and even toured up and down every aisle at a leisurely pace. As leisurely as one can with four children, that is. She showed her children the difference between small eggs and large eggs and all of them together ‘eewwed’ at the cow tongue packaged and ready to be taken to someone’s home for consumption. She managed to breathe deeply and evenly and even was smiling and chatting with the clerk as she loaded all of her groceries on the conveyer. She paid, took the groceries to the car, loaded them into the trunk, was able to make sure nothing was left on the cart, loaded all her children into the car and drove home. She was able to take children and groceries all into the house and unpack all of the groceries. Then she slowly slid down the wall of the kitchen and wept.
“This was how it was supposed to be, she thought. This is how normal people live. They don’t get only a few groceries at a time. They don’t feel their chest constricting and feel unable to breathe as they pay for their groceries, praying the whole time they don’t run out of the store before they have completed the interaction. They don’t have trouble paying attention to how they load the groceries into the trunk because they are so focused on making sure the children are okay and making sure they remember to breathe. They don’t have to leave the groceries in the car for a few hours to make sure they are safe and able to leave the house again after they are home. They are able to get their groceries, and actually enjoy it. She knew then that she needed the medication, that it was the right thing for her and that she was beginning a whole new phase of her life.
“And I share that story with you because that is my story”, said Nikki after reading it. “I am Bobbi. So why hire a person with a disability? Why hire me? Because I can do the job. My disability doesn’t impact my ability to do this job.”
Nikki Langdon, BPas(Kin), RRP, CVP is Neil Squire’s Prairie Regional Manager. Nikki joined the Neil Squire Society in 2003 and holds a degree in Kinesiology, where she graduated with Great Distinction. She also holds the Certified Vocational Professional standing from College of Vocational Professionals and the Registered Rehabilitation Designation from VRA Canada. She heads up a technology and education program for SK with the Ministry of Education with the goal to build Assistive Technology capacity with students, parents, educators, and decision makers. Most notably, the focus is on helping students transition from school to post-secondary education/training or employment, as well as, the use of UDL: Universal Design for Learning as it supports inclusive schools.